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| PROBLEM GAMBLING: Identification and Survival Tips |
(This is a series written by Gambler's Help and Relationships Australia workers, and printed in the Herald-Sun in February and March, 2006.)
Problem Gambling
by Kathy Griffin and Julie Houghton
What does a person with a gambling problem look like? The answer is "just like you and me", because the people who develop gambling behaviours are usually normal everyday people who often start what seems to be a harmless outing to the local pokies venue or casino. For many people, gambling is an occasional social event with family and friends, but for some people it progresses to an addiction over a period of time. Machines start to grab hold of them and they start to think about the machines and the lights and noises that attract them and then find they start going on their own once or twice a month. Then they may start playing more, perhaps a quick trip in their lunch break or on the way home, by which stage gambling is becoming a normal part of their everyday life. The reasons people are attracted to gambling venues are complex - some people are lonely and want to be around other people in are area that is safe and attractive, where there is lots of activity and it's not strange to go there on your own. Others are hooked by the illusion of winning and beating the machine, while others bet to try to improve their financial situation and pay the bills, but usually they end up in a greater financial hole than before.
Signs that gambling is progressing from an occasional recreation to a problem are the frequency and regularity of visits to the pokies. Being a regular gambler can be the first sign of a problem. If you find yourself thinking about playing when you're not at the venue, so that thoughts of gambling are intruding into everyday life, then a problem may be developing. If playing the pokies starts to become a regular nightly dream, then the habit is becoming a problem. Using the machines for social contact instead of friends and family, or using gambling to provide excitement or a sense of well-being means that it may be out of control.
The bottom line is that if gambling becomes something you can't live without, then it should be setting alarm bells off in your brain, or in the brains of people around you if you can't see it for yourself. Keep a check on your behaviour and be honest with yourself about how much you are spending and how much time you are playing the machines. If it's become a normal part of your life, it's time to ring the gambling help line. In Victoria, most people live or work within five kilometres of a pokies venue, so you may need to avoid going past venues and succumbing to temptation.
SURVIVAL TIPS
- Be aware of the cues that stimulate the thoughts that make you want to go and play and resist the temptation
- If gambling changes from an occasional recreational outing with friends to a regular part of your life that you can't live without, you may have a problem
THE LIFESTYLE OF THE FULLY FLEDGED GAMBLER
What are the signs that we should look for in deciding whether someone is having a harmless flutter or has become a fully-fledged gambler?
It's not always easy to know when the line between the two has been crossed, but one notable characteristic of a fully-fledged gambler would be that they have a strong illusion of winning, of being some omnipotent being who can beat the machine. This person's family may start to notice that they are absent from home more, with the partner and children being left alone. There may be an increased level of secrecy and covering their tracks, as the person who has developed a gambling problem may not be able to be honest about the amount of money they are spending. This then starts to have an impact on the financial well being of the rest of the family. For example, it might be that bills aren't being paid, or perhaps certain belongings are disappearing from the house as people sell things to pay for gambling related debts. Or mysterious loans from family or friends may come to light later, when the problem is discovered.
While reactions vary when a gambling problem is exposed, usually the gambler is quite relieved and wants to do something about it, because often the marital or family relationships are at risk by this point. It takes a huge amount of energy to keep a gambling secret hidden form family and friends, so the person with the gambling problem may feel a great sense of relief that their difficulty has been discovered.
If there is a large gambling debt, it's often the partner who picks that up, whereas if the person with the gambling problem is the one worried about their behaviour, they may ring the Gamblers' Help Line to see what help is available. Either partner, family members or concerned friends can call the advice line for help.
Making the decision to seek help in areas of our lives that are overwhelming us is often not easy. So how do we take the step to seek help?
It is sometimes difficult for people to acknowledge what is happening in their lives. A useful way of checking this out is to write down how much money and time is being spent on gambling over a four week period, this information often proves to be very valuable. Sometimes just thinking about the needs of the family, whether the mortgage is up to date or if the kids need new shoes, can demonstrate very clearly whether the gambling is incidental and affordable, or if it is draining the family budget. Being honest with oneself about where the money is going is a crucial step in assessing whether the gambling has or is becoming a problem.
SURVIVAL TIPS
- Keep a diary and identify over a month how much time and money is being spent of gambling
- Think about the needs of the family - are important bills not being paid because the money is going on gambling?
GAMBLING AND THE PARTNER
If your partner becomes ill, our natural response is care and concern, and we plan what to do. But diagnosing a gambling problem in a partner can be a lot more difficult. Sometimes it takes a while for a partner to realise there is a problem, because relationships are built on trust and people do trust that their partners are doing what they are telling them.
Also there is still a stigma to admitting that one has a problem with gambling this is because people often blame and judge the individual (and not acknowledge the influence of poker machines in our community). As a result people who develop problems often feel shamed and guilty and fear telling because they think they will be told they are weak or 'should be able to control their behaviour'.
So what should a partner look out for, if they are worried that they might be living with a person with a gambling problem? Firstly communication patterns between partners often change. The person with the problem may become emotionally absent or unavailable. People with gambling problems are often so busy hiding this part of their life that they have to pull away from those close to them in order to continue the deception. It's not unlike having an affair - the issues of breaches of trust are much the same.
Once partners realise or discover that there is a gambling problem in the household, they are usually quite supportive and will assist and work through the issues. However, if the gambling then continues without any acknowledgement or definite move to seek help, the partner may even consider leaving the relationship in order protect them emotionally and financially. Often preserving a relationship is then enough motivation for a person with a gambling problem to take action to change their behaviour.
Partners need to be firm that the person with the gambling problem needs to accept responsibility for their gambling behaviour and seek help. Partners shouldn't take on the responsibility of gambling related debts; this is also the person with the gambling problems responsibility.
Once the problem has been acknowledged, there are positive steps the partner can take. It is wise to be involved in the household budget and know where money is being spent; keeping track of money that is invested, maintaining separate bank accounts and credit cards may also be a good idea. It is reasonable to track partner's daily patterns as a way of rebuilding trust; regular communication between couples is a sign of a healthy relationship. Partners need to make time for each other and get used to doing things together again like going to the movies or for a drive on the weekend. Be aware of the struggle ahead and try to be available at times when the person who is recovering form a gambling problem may be vulnerable and need extra support.
Seek help from the Gamblers Help line; Gamblers Help financial counsellors and your local GP; these are all excellent resources to use at this difficult time for the whole family.
SURVIVAL TIPS
- If you suspect there might be a gambling problem, look for signs that your partner seems distant and uninvolved in day to day life
- Be firm and insist the gambler takes responsibility for their behaviour and seeks help
YOUTH AND GAMBLING
Recent research suggests that gambling is a significant issue for adolescents in Australia affecting more boys than girls. The re-emergence of poker, access to internet and mobile phones and landline phone accounts to bet on sports and races, as well as the lure of the bright lights of the casino are all modes of gambling available to young people today, not to mention the electronic gaming machines, the popular "pokies" at are in so many hotels and clubs these days.
The prevalence of poker sets in shops has shown that poker has emerged as popular pastime for our community. Unfortunately, this simple game has some hidden dangers. While there's no harm if kids are simply playing for poker chips, there is a temptation to play for money and win; suddenly a harmless game has the potential to launch a gambling problem.
Sometimes older adults will introduce new 18 year olds to gambling as a rite of passage, as something that is now legal for them to do. Young people from rural areas are another group at risk, because as they relocate to bigger towns or cities, they may feel dislocated from families and friends, and seek company that can be found in pubs with gaming. In terms of entertainment, there are now far fewer pubs with bands that kids may have gravitated to 20 years ago - these days many more pubs that used to feature bands now only offer gaming machines as live entertainment.
If you are going to introduce a young adult to any form of gambling, you need to create awareness that it is essential that they keep an eye on their own gambling patterns, and be wary of any actions that may lead to problem gambling behaviour (like chasing losses or illusions of winning). Young people need to remember that if gambling starts to be the most important thing in their lives, there could be a problem emerging.
Parents whose children live a distance away from home due to study or work commitments may worry that without the steadying parental influence, gambling may become a problem attraction. If your child is suddenly asking for more money to live on, it may be a sign that the money allocated for living expenses has gone on gambling. Working with a budget allows parents to question where money allocated for living expenses is going. If parents are worried and express that concern in a healthy, positive way, young people will generally take notice and realise they need to seek some help if gambling has become a problem.
SURVIVAL TIPS
- If kids are playing poker for money, it can easily develop into problem gambling behaviour
- If kids have to move away from home to study, they can gravitate to venues with gaming machines for companionship
- If young people seem to be short of money and needing more, ask a few questions about where the money is going - there could be a gambling problem
Kathy Griffin is a counsellor with Relationships Australia. Visit www.relationships.com.au
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